Stepping back for a moment from my own body, things seem to be going well in this life of mine. I see a smart individual that's making it on his own with a full time job, a paid off car, his own apartment, a decent social life, close family contact and a faithful dog. This person seems to still be outgoing and adventurous wanting to see new things and go to new places...
Stepping back into my body now, things seem totally wrong. I don't feel as though I have accomplished anything at all. Each time I take a step forward, I take at least three steps back. I'm dealing with some major issues and feel like there's no one to talk to and no one that cares. If fact, only a handfull of people actually know the real me; the me that's no fun to be around, the me that's antisocial, the me that could care less how your day went, the me that wants to end things for good... No one seems to care...
Well this is no new phenomenon for me and I've been dealing with this for a while. So what I do is try to keep my spirits up and just make it through the day... Well, that's not cutting it anymore. I'm past the point of exhaustion trying to keep myself a float and putting on a front like everything in my life is going so well. My constant upbeat and positive attitude is merely a coping mechanism I have developed over the years to help me deal with my irregular mood swings. The constant up and down of my moods is taxing not only on my mind, body and soul, but is also effects how I work, my attitude, my interests and my friendships.
What's keeping me going... I don't really know anymore...
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.
0 Responses
